24 years ago

24 years ago my mother passed away. June 9th, 1987 my mother passed from this world to her reward in heaven. This day changed my life forever. Holidays would never be the same, but Mother's Day was the one that I had the most trouble with. Who was I to celebrate and honor on that day. I wasn't able to call her for her advise ever again. She was there for me from the simplest to the most complex of issues in my life. I felt that I lost a part of me that could never have a possibility of restoration. My heart had broken into pieces and there was no glue possible to fix it. There were now pieces that were missing never to be found again.

On Mother's Day our church would celebrate mother's by giving carnations. Of course it was wonderful to receive the red carnations from my children but it was so hard to accept a white carnation for my passed mother. Even though I was blessed by God for my three children and I was always guaranteed to get my favorite flower on a day specially created for that one person in your life that would be there for you no matter what you do and how you treated her, your mother. My mother at times showed how nieve she was but she still had a lot of wisdom that as I got older and had my own children I depended on. Although when I was growing up and especially my teenage years I thought that she only wanted to be mean and keep me from fun, I now realize that all she was doing was trying to raise me up to be a mature woman, friend, wife and mother. As time passed I was able to see that my mother didn't just show me how to live but also how to die. She showed her faith in the Lord through her end days. It was so hard to see her in the condition that she was in but she knew that she would have a new body, free from sorrow and pain. Though I was not with her when she passed onto her new life that Salvation gave her I know that the Lord gave her a peace when she crossed over. I know that it has been a lot of years since that day but I miss her. There have been so many times that I wish she was here to give me her wisdom. But, she did teach me to rely on the Lord through tough times even when I created those tough times myself. She showed me a reliance on the Lord more than I could ever imagine.

I love you Mom and miss you.

A human boom a rang. Is it possible? Can it be? What would be a deciding factor to classify one as a human boom a rang? Well, I would think that the main ingredient would be that you go from one place to another and back again. If this is correct, then I am one. I am now living in Oregon

How strange it is, this thing called life.

I reflect on my life and see that through my mistakes I found wisdom. I have at times taken a longer time to learn a lesson from some of the mistakes but none the less I did learn something that at some time in the future I was able to help someone through their rough spot in their life. There are times I wish that I had been wiser so that those pitfalls in my life would not have been something that I would have had to experience. The only thing is that if I walked a different path then that ripple in the walk through life would not just change me but it would also effect my children and those that have been in my life. Maybe I would not have met some of those people. Maybe my children would not have the lives they have now. What would life be like then? Would I have been the same person? Would my children be who they are? I think of these things but the problem with that is that I am where I am meant to be. So why think on these things. It is really a waste of time because it creates doubt, guilt, anger, revenge, sorrow and much more. I had this life because I chose for such a long time not to have the Lord on the throne of my heart. I know that through the things that I did that for some reason the Lord protected me even when I was choosing my own way. As I revisit my past there are things I have done that clearly showing that the Lord was not the first person that I spoke to for advise. I seemed to run on auto pilot which I see that when I was running my life in that matter I was opening the doors wide open so that the enemy could walk right in with out any problem. In fact, some may think that there was an invitation sent out so that it would be easy to come in for my life's party. Sadly, it was true that I was walking on the wide path to destruction. As age has come my way I am trying to draw closer to my Lord, Jesus Christ. Do I still make mistakes? Yes, but I am aware and bring it before the Lord and gain the forgiveness that was already given at the time of my salvation. So, I realize that I will make mistakes I will see them quicker so that I can bring that knowledge to my book where I have filed all the problems I have had but now I see the difference from my past and my present. The Lord has been with me through out all my life and has never been different, it is me that is different. I see where God was waiting for me and now I see God faster and able to see His hand so clearly. Does that mean that I am prefect ? NO, it is that I try my best to make better choices and have more confidence. How strange it is, this thing called life.

What's the use!!

I am lost at the moment. I feel like I am in a very bad movie and there is no hope or chance of happiness. So, what's the use. Why walk this path because I have walked the same path so many times in my life. I keep tripping in the same potholes, fall because I again did not see the same rock that I stubbed my toes on. The same bruises, scratches, and cuts. Each time I start out I hope for something different but unfortunately there are not any changes. No matter how hard I try I cannot get out of this place. I am trapped and condemned to this horrible place. Never changing. I would love to hear the birds sing, watch the flowers bloom, to feel the warmth of the sun, and to gaze at the clouds that take shapes of mysterious far off lands. To smell the crisp and refreshing ocean winds as it plays around you.and teases my hair. My eyes are open but they are blind, I scream for help but there is no sound to be heard. I reach to feel the softness of the green grass but I look and I have no hands. So, what is the use. I then know that I must get on my knees and cry out to my Lord. Seek His joy, ask for wisdom, ask for His strength and most of all ask Him what His Perfect Will is for my life. There may be bumps in the road but I know that I can make it through because the Lord is with me every step of the way. If I look to Him I will hear the birds sing, watch the flowers bloom, feel the warmth of the sun and gaze at the clouds that take shapes of mysterious far off lands. There is so much that He will show me and give me as long as I humble myself. He wants nothing more than to bless me. I just have to quit looking at me and keep my eyes on Him. Thank you Father for helping me grow up. You have shown me so much and that you have taught me that old dogs can learn new tricks. You are amazing.

I hope that you enjoy.

I hope that you enjoy this

When do you stop walking on egg shells

Now as the title asks "When do you stop walking on egg shells" You stop having to bite your tongue when the people that you were around are not on your friends list on any of your blogs. If you read my blog and you don't like what I have to say then stop reading it. Quite frankly, if you get offended by my insight or thoughts then my hat is off to you. Now you may wonder about that last statement...it is because it is like watching Smoking Gun presents....World's Dumbest. I will think of the catagory later. So for those that read my blog and you start to feel that anger fill you up inside, or maybe guilt then you really should ask your self, maybe these emotions are because you have done something that the Lord would not approve of.

I have found that my new doctor thinks that I do have a problem with a nerve impingment. I have been living with pain since May 26, 2009 when I had surgery. I have suffered through DVT and exstremely sensitive pelvic area which makes the skin in that area sensitive to touch. There is also pain in my left leg